We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
