the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
