I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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