my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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