Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Still dying that you shit outside
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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