Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
