uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
