the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
