Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
