Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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