yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
