Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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