Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
