I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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