I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
