I just made out with a guy for $7.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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