does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
