Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
