Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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