i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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