Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
