Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
