This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
