so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
