When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
