as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
