guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
