Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
