Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
