Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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