I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
