nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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