Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
