I just cut my nipple shaving
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
