i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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