Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
