I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
