My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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