I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
