So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
