I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
