these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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