why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
