Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
