dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
