There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
