i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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