i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
