I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
