And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
