just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
