I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
