yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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