1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
